Cake or Sex? Cake, Please: Ace Stereotypes

[foolish_m0rtal]

The stereotype among the asexual community is that aces:


Are rabid Doctor Who fans


Adore BBC's Sherlock


Love cake

Apparently some people chafe under these stereotypes, even though I think that this is like saying the Canadians hate the stereotype that they are nice friendly people. If you've got a positive rep, why knock it? Maybe this is only because I myself watch Doctor Who and Sherlock and am an opportunistic feeder when it comes to all things pastry. This was before I figured out I was asexual, so who knows if the type fits the mold or the mold fits the type?

Okay, so the first two stereotypes are reasonably easy to figure out: the Doctor (depending on plotline, but generally) and Sherlock (book and Cumberbatch version) are strong amazing asexual characters that are terrifically popular and prolific within media and pop culture. In such a sex-crazed entertainment industry, positive ace characters can be hard to come by.
I will also hazard a guess and say that the stereotype assumes that aces are geeky-awesome.

But what's this about cake?  Well apparently there was a question among the community about what was better than sex, and the conclusion was that cake was just fucking fantastic (without the fucking). This is why cake is frequently used as an ace symbol (as well as contributing to the hilarity and suspicious coincidence of the Food Network show Ace of Cakes) both on the AVEN boards and in the general community. As theotherdibbler points out in her comment below, it represents community more than the actual object.



Of course, there are some aces who protest strongly against the stereotype. They say they hate Doctor Who and Sherlock. Sure, that's all very well. But then there are the others who say they utterly despise cake, leading some of my ace friends to label them as 'hipster aces.' Hey, you're free to hate cake if you want. Ice cream cake? Over it. Pie? I ate it before it was cool.

I tried to explain this third phenomenon at the LGBTQ resource centre today. It's the Monday Coffee Hour for our university's Proud to Be Out week, so someone brought in a giant cake for the occasion. Many of the people in the centre came to the (A)sexual documentary on Saturday, and they've been immensely supportive and warm to the asexual community at UVa (as spread out and broken as we are. God, I feel like we just need to get organised and weaponised, and we would be a force to be reckoned with). Now that they have an idea about what asexuality is about, they have a better understanding of where I stand.

I walked in around lunchtime, and of course there was a giant cake there. Someone remarked that they can't see cake any more without thinking about asexuals (I count this as a win) and added that the cake could also dual-serve for Asexual Awareness Week. This made me incredibly happy.

"Have some cake," they said.

"Sure," I told them. "But you know, there are asexuals who hate cake and say it tastes like dirt."

They were appalled. "Well, maybe they haven't eaten the right kind of cake yet,"  they said, which made me burst out laughing, because that's exactly what people tell asexuals about sex. "Oh, maybe you've had a bad experience and haven't been with the right person yet."

The group conclusion was that if you didn't like cake, you didn't have a soul. Or perhaps alternately, a strange hatred of community symbols. Apparently cake is becoming a hot contentious issue, and we'll have to host a secondary poll: what's better than cake?

I dunno. I sort of think blanket forts are pretty awesome...



To answer all of your burning questions:
1) Why yes, that IS  a picture of my own blanket fort with my old roommate (who is also ace) building another wing in the back.
2) That's my dinosaur blanket right there in front.
3) We had a snack cupboard in this tent to last us through zombie sieges.
4) We sat in this tent for a few hours to do homework, which devolved into watching Magic School Bus re-runs on Youtube.

Positive stereotype number four: asexuals have all the fun.

Comments

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU for this comment. I wanted to keep the post sort of neutral, but I DO think it's a bit annoying when people have to qualify who they are. I've seen way too many posts along the lines of "I'm [insert name], and I'm asexual, but I HATE CAKE AND DOCTOR WHO AND SHERLOCK."

Well, no one assumes that kind of thing about an asexual on the spot. The only thing we will assume about the person is that they are asexual and possibly have anger issues.

We have a lighthearted stereotype that celebrates the few characters in media that are actually defined by their asexuality and do it proudly. (This is precisely the reason I was put off by the recent film version of Sherlock Holmes, and I'm grateful that Cumberbatch has definitively said he will play Sherlock as an asexual) Usually the best an asexual can get is a person who is teased for still being a virgin (which is such a horrible concept) or just a person who concentrates on other parts of his/her life (which becomes one of those horrible rom-coms about 'finding love').

You're absolutely right: the cake is an object of community more than the actual thing. I'm pretty new to the AVEN forums because I didn't know about asexuality for a while, and too many people were telling me there was something WRONG with me. (Oh nooo, I'm going to a dark place!) Still, I really love the sense of community there and how cake represents our fun side too.

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

Oh, agreed. I remember just casually scrolling down ace secrets where most of the secrets talked about hating cake, and I wondered
1) Why people would waste their time posting such a 'secret'
2) If they were trolling the boards
3) The reason for the the intensity of their hatred
4) Why I was still reading their post. So I stopped.

People get into fits over such silly things.

AVEN definitely saves lives! My emotional and social health especially! Before, I had sort of resigned myself to...I don't know, 'lying back and thinking of England,' if my parents ever wanted me to give them grandchildren in the future (Asians have a completely different set of problems in the LGBTQ spectrum) but AVEN really gave me the power to come out, make posts like these, bring the (A)sexual documentary to my university, and become more comfortable in the kind of person I am. It was wonderful to find out that I was normal and had a community.

For me, it wasn't till college that it sunk in that people my age were having sex and enjoying it.(??) Before that I had assumed that television was blowing it out of proportion or people were joking, and that everyone thought like me. To hear people talk about it was...really alarming, and I found it totally alien. I think knowing more about who I am bestows a sense of tranquillity and gives me one less thing to worry about in my life. I'm sure getting involved in the ace community has done wonders for my blood pressure. :)


I'm actually more active on LJ about asexuality than on AVEN. The boards are great for hearing about news, reading discussions, and...okay, reading Incredibly Ace Moments, but LJ has been my space for so long that it's the place I instinctively go when I have something to say.

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

Thanks! That blanket is snuggly as hell.

[obseletevulture.livejournal.com]

Books.
Books are better than cake.

Or new tools.

And here we come back to screwdrivers without the screw.

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

I want all of this inside a blanket fort.