My One Obligatory Whinging Post on My LJ

[foolish_m0rtal]

Do you have friends who criticise you very doggedly about things and then say "oh, we were only teasing. Don't be so thin-skinned," when you get upset about it? (And I don't get upset very easily, but this was on-the-verge-of-tears upset)

Then I'm not sure if I'm really being thin-skinned or not. My parents are very critical, so maybe I just have a knee-jerk reaction to it more than most people.

"We tease everyone we like," they tell me, but the difference between us is that when I tease them, I do it in a deliberately absurd and self-deprecating way that is obviously not meant to be taken seriously, and I drop the issue immediately. 

These people, on the other hand, have had minutes-long sessions of making fun of me for carrying a laptop bag instead of a purse (I picked up this habit in Japan, and really it's a lot more roomy and easier to carry than a stupid purse), tying up the ends of my grocery bags before putting them in the car (really?), and other really strange things.

Or if I try to protest, they'll act like I haven't understood anything they're saying. "You're not listening," they'll say. And I'll try to explain that yes, I am: I've understood them perfectly, but they'll interrupt with, "No. NO. You're NOT."

"I would punch a dude for giving me shit like that," one of my fratboy friends told me, and I was inclined to agree with his drunk-at-ten-in-the-morning opinion.

It is really very frustrating, and I'm starting to see that I get called out on mistakes a lot more and with greater severity than if they make mistakes. (For example, leaving the oven on.) We've been living together for about four years, and this is the first year they've begun to act less than civil. Is this a 'familiarity breeds contempt' issue? Because I'm definitely feeling a very strong vibe of contempt from them. Thankfully, I only have one more semester, and then I'm off to New England. I'm very close to these people and thought I would be sad to see them go, but now I'm not so sure.

Comments

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

Fuck Them would be my precise philosophy if this change weren't so sudden and after a decent number of years. I'm just mystified. I don't recall anything I've done to make them upset, and I've even asked them about it.

Did any of your old roommates behave like this?

[angstbunny.livejournal.com]

I've found that 99% of the time, when somebody says "I'm just teasing" what they really mean is "you caught me at being an asshole but I just don't want to admit it so I'll blame it on you." People who are legit your friends would say "I'm sorry" when you tell them that they've hurt your feelings. Anything else is just asshattery.

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

The thing is, I'm very good at being a jerk to people who deserve it, but I've found it's much more difficult to be an asshole to your friends, who trigger an instinctive urge to be polite even in outrageous circumstances.

But I will be armed with this comeback if they dare to try again!

[angstbunny.livejournal.com]

I think it's very... reflexive to be defensive, and sometimes it's all right to forgive an instance or two, but if it's a pattern of behaviour, I definitely think you have every right to call them on their bullshit. It's not being a jerk to stand up for yourself, even though it's frequently characterized that way. I hope your situation resolves happily.

[grimmsical.livejournal.com]

They do this as a group? That sounds very hive mind and unpleasant, maybe you could talk to them individually and point it out, and when they say they don't do it, try to give precise examples?

And wait what they "tease" you about tying up the ends of your grocery bags? ...that doesn't even make sense. You tease people about their hair in the morning, or...no that still doesn't make sense to me. You don't tease people for being logical and practical... =.=;