I'm sorry?

[foolish_m0rtal]

Usually the day before my periods I feel ill and nauseous and throw up and have no appetite. I'm always afraid I have the stomach flu, which never happens, so I should just start getting over it, except there will be that one time when it IS the stomach flu. No, I am not paranoid without reason. I promise.

One of my friends used to call the time of her period 'staging Titus Andronicus in my pants,' because she's a theatre major and hilarious. Today in a sleep deprived state, I decided to call it Titus Andronicunt and then laughed and then felt bad for disrespecting my uterus. I'm sorry, uterus. I didn't mean it. It's just, I would really appreciate if you chilled out sometimes, because I'm the kind of asexual who can't see myself engaging in any of your default functionality. Maybe I could call you something different. Maybe the Taming of the Spew or The Tampon? Or Much Ado About Nothing. (Shakspeare fans, please see what I did there. I am laughing at my own jokes, and I know that is not cool.)

Comments

[psychokitty013.livejournal.com]

I just laughed so hard my milk came shooting out of my nose!
I love puns! XD

[angstbunny.livejournal.com]

staging Titus Andronicus in my pants

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

I laughed at your joke, so I guess that's okay? :D

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

This might be a bit of a personal question, but do you have a retroverted uterus? It's a uterus that is tilted backward and sits on top of the spine and the rectum instead of tilted forwards on top of the bladder. It's a pretty normal variation in women.

I'm not sure of all the side effects, but in my case, some...er, bodily functions can make my uterus spasm in crazy pain.