Brown College Question 5B REVISED!

[foolish_m0rtal]

b. Describe the ultimate sandwich either as a flowchart or in an established form of poetry (haikus will be brutally savaged)

As NF has just pointed out, each line must be in iamic pentameter. Please help?

The Sandwich Line, a Petrarchan Adventure

The pathway splits for eating white or wheat,
Sliced bread, a wrap, stale rolls, a lone croissant
No cheddar for the milk intolerant
The tuna, flightless, strange-feathered, and sweet,
Flits o'er the lesser lily pads of meat
Fair oysters of their po’boys virtues vaunt,
Soy lingers like an idiot savant
The painted courtyard sycophants compete,
Their textures fight and colors fire robust
The red tomatoes die beneath the knife
Green peppers prize the place bean sprouts earn first
 And mayo loves a pesto-studded wife
So dare you eat the sandwich in its crust?
And shall it toast or walk a frigid life?

 

(so...I wrote mine as a Petrarchan sonnet...)

Comments

[obseletevulture.livejournal.com]

I need to write you a sandwich sonnet, too! but I'm afraid you'll cover your ears if I mention beef. ^_^;;

Agh...the meter's driving my head nuts to be honest. (But we probably have totally different accentation, because I know we discussed this before. You're giving me Wilde!reading flashbacks.)

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

I...wasn't aware sonnets had a meter. (DO they? Do they? Please advise! Damn it!)

I thought the sentences only had to be ten syllables. So yes, even though the meter drives me mad too (it's like a car that starts and stops and jars, augh!) it was the only way to fit these words in.

(we seem to have some kind of similar gap in our schedules, because we're usually online relatively at the same time)

[obseletevulture.livejournal.com]

Sonnets are always iambic pentameter, dear. *smiles* Believe me, I would know.

Ten syllables, yes, but iambic meter. unstressed-stressed for a foot. Five feet for "pentameter".
Basically, hum "if you're happy and you know it" to yourself, and leave off the two claps at the end.
I can check meter for you when you're done, if you like. XDDD

(I'm jsut a delinquint is all.)

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

*cries*

This is what I get for living with engineers! Not even the frakking college students who've gotten to take English classes (unlike me) pointed this out to me!

Thanks! This is why I post on livejournal. Everyone here is scads more informative and helpful than people in Real Life.

[obseletevulture.livejournal.com]

PFFFT. I'm not that much more informative. it's jsut I'mt he english major. That and the sonnet's been my poetic bitch since I was sixteen. I know alll its kinks. ♥

The tester's fine for Iambic, but it's iambic tetrameter, so be careful. ^_^

As fara s I know, there's no variation. it's solid iambic allt he way through, but sakespearean sonnets are subject-divided.

Fourteen lines total:
Eight lines, six lines, and the sub-divisor of the six lines into an ending pair. That's shakespearean sonnet structure. you can vary the rhyming patterna little, I thin. (Petrarchan's my weakness, I have to admit.) I've done terza rima scheme as well as ordinary shakespearean...

Ummm...looking online, turns out that the end pair is the difference. Shakespeare did ending pairs...here:

The Petrarchan Sonnet consists of 14-lines that are divided into two parts, the first consisting of eight lines (octave) with the rhyme scheme: abbaabba, and the second part consisting of six lines (sestet) with the rhyme scheme: cdecde (though there are variations, including: cdcdcd). The most important requisite for the Petrarchan Sonnet is the absence of the closing couplet. An example showing just the last end-rhymed words would be:


... fish (a)
... crate (b)
... fate (b)
... wish (a)
... finish (a)
... deflate (b)
... date (b)
... dish (a)

... code (c)
... back (d)
... inflate (e)
... abode (c)
... flack (d)
... bereate (e)

The Shakespearean Sonnet consists of 14-lines that are divided into three four-line sections (each called a quatrain), and a concluding section of just two lines: a rhyming or closed couplet. Each quatrain has an alternating rhyme scheme: abab, cdcd, and efef. The final rhyming couplet has the rhyme scheme: gg. An example showing just the last end-rhymed words would be:


... desire (a)
... rough (b)
... fire (a)
... tough (b)

... drive (c)
... mast (d)
... hive (c)
... cast (d)

... cart (e)
... disc (f)
... dart (e)
... brisk (f)

... maze (g)
... gaze (g)



..............................

This clinches it: I definitely need to write a sandwich sonnet for you. ^_~ ♥
but you can pick any sonnet. it's jsut i'd recommend sticking to the form as much as you're able, because Brown college is bound to have some picky jerks like me. I mean...I'm at a community college and all...*sweatdrop*

[obseletevulture.livejournal.com]

Also, there are usually subject "twists" at the space-points. Like you spend the first part praising your sadnwich,t hen twist around to the problems involved in sandwich architecture. And then, if you're Shakespearean, you spend the last two lines either revelling in your sandwich's creation and surpassing beauty, or lamenting its tragic collapse.

Make sense? ^_^;;

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

Also, there are usually subject "twists" at the space-points. Like you spend the first part praising your sadnwich,t hen twist around to the problems involved in sandwich architecture. And then, if you're Shakespearean, you spend the last two lines either revelling in your sandwich's creation and surpassing beauty, or lamenting its tragic collapse.

^_^ This is so true when it comes to Shakespeare...

No no, Brown will probably TERRIBLY picky, and it's been a long time since I've written any sort of poetry, so be as much of a picky jerk as you'd like!

Hmm, I don't know if I'll stick with Petrarchan or try Shakespearean. What do you think? I know you're more familiar with Shakespearean.

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

The first line is in iambic, though. I just use 'Stopping By the Woods on a Snowy Evening' as my iambic check. 'Who's WOODS these ARE i THINK i KNOW.'

Please tell me this is correct?

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

also, can I use rhythmic variation with my pentameter?

[obseletevulture.livejournal.com]

Actually, these lines work for Iambic, too. (Just noticed the highlights.) I'll italicize what you can get away with and bold what's perfect.

You must decide if you eat white or wheat,
Sliced bread, gyro, a wrap, sub rolls, croissant
No cheese for the lactose intolerant
Tuna, the flightless choice, shredded and sweet,
Turkeys and pigs are lily pads of meat
Fried shrimp/oyster for po’boys if you want, (((The slash-mark gives me trouble here)))
Soy lingers like an idiot savant
The vegetable sycophants compete, (((How many syllables does "vegetable" have when you say it?)))
Colors and crunchy textures are a must
Sprouts and carrots dying under the knife
Mushrooms are jealous lettuce is picked first
Mayo-- honey mustard, the jilted wife
Are you man enough to keep the bread crust?
Will you toast it or go on with your life?

That work for you? the "ish" sentences might have a trochee or two, (Trochaic's the opposite of iambic) but you can get away with taht if everything else fits well enough. It's attributed to accentation differences.


The iamb tester I use is my own:

"We like our animals triangular"

And...I should have mentioned this earlier...didn't XKCD have a joke about this? (they used perfect iambic pentameter--"I'll meet him at the gate at ten of six" or something like that...)

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

Fried shrimp/oyster for po’boys if you want, (((The slash-mark gives me trouble here)))

Me too! The slash was a temporary thing that sneaked into the final draft. I shall remedy it!

Um, veh-jeh-teh-ble? How do American people pronounce it?

So I should see if I can fix:

Sprouts and carrots dying under the knife
Mayo-- honey mustard, the jilted wife
Are you man enough to keep the bread crust?
Will you toast it or go on with your life?

I love you so much right now! Thanks SO much for helping me with this! I will make fixes and post it.

I think XKCD did have a comic like this!

[obseletevulture.livejournal.com]

Accents vary, supposedly mine is "northern" despite coming froma really southern area. We take our cues more from the carribean and south America than from anything else.
I pronounce it "Veg-tah-bul"
But I'm infamous for taking my otherwise normal pronounciations and ruining them somehow. any time I see two "l"s together I pronounce them like a "y" because of all the hispanic influence around me. And my dad keeps telling me not to pronounce "either" "eye-thur".
@_@

*feels loved anyway*
I should make an epic sonnet-making post on my journal...

I'll double-check your fixes, of course. >_>

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

thank you, I know this is very trying for you ^_^;

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

okay, sonnet has been revised!

[obseletevulture.livejournal.com]

Uhhh...some things are still off. *sigh* You're going ot hate me after this...

I'll point out the off-bits. (How are you counting this rythym? Syllables aren't the same thing... I caught something near-dactyllic in there. o_o)

Dairy snubs the lactose intolerant
The strange feathered tuna, flightless and sweet,

...

Colors and textures are wild and robust
Carrots and peppers die under the knife
Mushrooms are jealous that lettuce comes first

...

Play you the man and preserve the bread crust?


@_@

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

I..I'm sorry! T_T

I'm not too good at this, am I? Where do you think I should start? I'm just throwing syllables around here.

(Why is the mushroom one wrong? I thought it had the DUM dum DUM dum DUM dum rhythm...)

[obseletevulture.livejournal.com]

YES! *airpunch and suffocating hug*

YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY A METER DOMINATRIX!

This calls for celebration.

*is screaming happily inside for real*

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

YES! I think it's like riding a bike. It must be internalized.

I came back and looked at it, and yeah, it was wrong. I just suddenly knew how to fix it.

*so excited*

[obseletevulture.livejournal.com]

I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT! ♥♥♥♥

If only all my future students could be brilliant like you, FM-sama~

[foolish-m0rtal.livejournal.com]

(O///O)

I'm not all that. It's just a nice enjoyable break from engineering.